It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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