she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Dignity is for republicans.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
God, I missed his penis.
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