Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
