i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
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