so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
