sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
Randomize
