i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
