she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
