69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
don't judge my taste in strippers
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Randomize
