I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Randomize
