I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
and you fell through a lawn chair
Randomize
