he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
