i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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