I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
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