That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Randomize
