He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Randomize
