How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
How's work?
Spinning.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
