Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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