I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Go christen that room with your naked body.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
