Im at strip club and am horny
I'm jealous of your bromance
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
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