Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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