We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
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