i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
