The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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