cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
