Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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