Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
