My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
