Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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