she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
