Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
