what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
