I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Randomize
