dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
