FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
handjob tips. give me some.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
