Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
