so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
