Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
