I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
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