The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
