I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
