I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
