But do you think a lot of ppl use facebook as a masturbation supplement to porn?
Let me make clear that I am not a facebook masturbator
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Randomize
