And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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