So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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