Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
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