I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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