People in love make me want to vomit
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Randomize
