yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
