Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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