If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Randomize
