drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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