now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
