some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
