alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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