tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
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