I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
i came on her dog
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
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