Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
