I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Can I color on your dick again?
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
