just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Randomize
